Semiotics of Home Ownership

There are no renovation pictures for your pleasure. I really cannot envision a life where I stop to take pictures along the way in the flow of the everyday. Thus, food blogging is out. And so now sadly is the Home Renovation blog. If I took a picture right now you would see dining chairs that need recovering, piles of boxes, a toolbox permanently taking up residence in the kitchen, boxes of mugs with nowhere to go, textured walls that need covering, doors that need hanging...it ain't pretty. It's fun, but it ain't pretty.There are 37 things on my current To Do list ranging from Kitchen Remodel (see you in a few years!) to Buy some air plants for the bathroom. I did manage to paint a room "Barely Blush", much to the delight of my daughter, and I think I did a pretty good job toning down the girly with some bunkbeds and plaid bedding - but it's still just a pink room. So in lieu of that, I offer you instead my recent Favourite Things:

At the Elles exhibit opening at SAM this weekend (an exhibit which made my little post-90's Art School Loving feminist heart for pitter-pat), this was a surprise and a favourite. Martha Rossler and the Semiotics of the Kitchen. Too bad this is a poor copy, but you get the idea. Searching for it also brought up this Barbie-infused homage, equally delightful but in a different way:

In other accomplishments, I'm currently working my way through all the Dell Yearling books I can find in my own collection and at the thrift store. I always remember them as being the high water mark of middle grade quality (wish I had such a marker now, for buying) so I'm revisiting them. Many, many are out of print and forgotten but oh so good. There's almost no history of the series or the editors or any kind of serious analysis of it - I love children's books in general but for me, the 1970's-early 1980's were a true golden time in children's book publishing and middle readers. Just look at my bookshelves, it's almost all I own. Nothing to do me reading those books for the first time as a kid or anything, no nostalgia here...ha ha. Which is why I'm rereading. Am I right in thinking they were deeper/darker/more complex? So far, yes. 

Just finished this, it was so good. On to the next...Is this avoidance of my own writing or a true celebration of writing I could never hope to live up to? A little of both.
Okay, back to tile samples and dishwasher installations.

Happy Birthday to Me

It seems silly to jump back into this creative blogging thing with a materialistic post but really, I'm just segueing into a renovation blog, let's be honest. A couple of things I got for my birthday are making me so ridiculously happy I have to spread the love.

First was the surprise internet radio from AH. We had talked and talked about finding a good one but he pulled the trigger for my birthday. It's a little more "nostalgic" than I would normally go but in this case, funtion outshines form to the nth degree. For the past 10 years I have been using a red "jelly" style alarm clock radio from Radio Shack as my personal listening device in the kitchen. I do two things when I wake up: put the kettle on and turn on the radio. My kitchen radio has been permanently tuned to NPR as it's not a digital tuner and switching between KEXP and NPR is too painful. So sadly most mornings I wake up to Morning Edition - now with a 100% more Mitt Romney! - or worse, Marketplace. There are not enough adjectives to describe my hatred of Kai Ryssdal, especially before I've had a cup of coffee. Yet strangely, silence in the morning is worse. I need that chatter, that background hum. But I am also tired of yelling at the radio "you lying sack of doo-doo!" and switching it off in a huff. So the internet radio - amazing. I can preset and stream all my favourite radio stations from around the world and the internets - including every CBC radio station and BBC. I can attach my iPod or phone and play that. Or stream my Pandora stations or my iTunes playlist. If it could stream my record player we would truly be in business. But this is so perfect for my cooking, doing dishes, Sunday Brunch life. I love love love it and love tossing out my cracked, ancient, buzzy ridiculous alarm radio for good.

While on the last minute birthday trip I bought myself a new cookbook:

Oh I love everything about it. I read it from cover to cover and I want to make everything in the book. And then I put it on display.

 Then I bought this clock I have been wanting since approximately 2002.

Contemporary Clocks design by Amazon

and the densest, least frivolous purchase (I'm not even including my new red peep-toe wedges) was this book:

Because we are set to close on the silly house tomorrow, 6 months after we began this process. And we have a lot of renovation to do. Which I might just document here, cause a house needs a lot more than 1 million cookbooks and a decent clock. 

Summer Spark

School let out last Friday - the most anticipated day of my year. I had an automatic countdown on my iGoogle page that slowly ticked off the weeks, the days, each draining hour. And finally, my sweet reward, a huge component in why I took this job in the first place- 14 weeks off in the summer, 5 weeks off in the rest of the year. I should be completely stoked, electrified, ready to go - but it felt a bit anti-climatic in the end. Part of it was knowing I still had weeks of work to do, that I could not in good conscience leave right away. Some of the teachers were flying off to France the next day or parents were headed out on long, luxurious vacations - and I suddenly realized that I didn't have much lined up for the summer. A few camping trips, but we're saving for the big trip next summer. No airplane trips, no sand and sun, nothing glamorous. No daycare either, and despite wanting to spend more time with my kid - again a big, big reason to take this job! - weeks of full-time parenting doesn't sound exactly relaxing. Part of my mind realizes it is utterly insane to have any quibbles about time off and time with my kid when every working mother across the nation is likely about to throw their commuter mug at the computer screen hearing that- or uh, you know, the 1.2 of them who read this blog. But there you are - I had a little sadness and disappointment when school let out, not what I was expecting to feel.

So I started making a list - doodling a list, busting out my pretty ink pens and Moleskine notebook, all things, small and huge, made it on the list. From the dentist to cleaning my computer screen to writing/finishing my gdmned YA book. Small things like this -


- a knitted banana I started approximately 3 months ago, for a baby I know. It has a jingle bell inside. It looks lumpy and insane because there was no pattern, I was trying to make it up as I went along. And it looks like it. But it is done! Checked off my list.

The list morphed into some little/big projects that I am excited about and by extension include grain elevators. prairies, film reels, audio equipment and two-lane highways. Anything to make this close to home summer feel more purposeful and important and bigger.

I'm also coming to terms with my thrift problem this summer. It has always been extreme, but now I can easily wander into a couple thrift stores way too often. When I'm thrifting for Simone's clothes and shoes, I always find something else I cannot live without. A Czech magnetic toy theatre . A dual Super 8/regular 8 projector that works perfectly.

Spanish baby shoes

Danish pottery with the original Danish price sticker on it.

It turns out this island called Bornholm was the ceramics mecca of Europe at one point. The BOFA factory only existed for ten years but those 10 years happen to be some of my favourite in design - 1953-1963. They still have the original price tag on it, how could I say no? Even though I have no use for them.


And I can never say no to Holt Howard, let alone his tomatoes.


I have myself slightly convinced that I need my own Etsy vintage shop so that I can shop without guilt. Please disabuse me of this notion, as it would likely be more trouble than it could possibly be worth, right? Especially as I only ever remember to take pictures at night, in terrible lighting and apparently only on my kitchen table. Still...it's on the list.

Except Almond Joy. That one is pretty good.

On the subject of people who apologize for not blogging lately (I swear to the earth and back I won't ever do that), I was ecstatic to find Corey Arcangel's project "Sorry I haven't posted lately", in which he aggregates apologetic entries. This is when the internet gets good. Unfortunately I cannot link to the original New Yorker article where I first read about Mr. Arcangel (oh how I would like to see his show!) but I recommend you seek out a Doctor's waiting room or the library to read it yourself. Or subscribe! I did when the lure of $25 a year was too ridiculous to ignore. People sometimes ask why I continue to live in the United States and here is a statistical breakdown:


I'm not really kidding. I'm certainly not here for the chocolate bars or the great hockey commentary. But Americans - you can have such amazing magazines sent to you for a pittance! Why don't you? Here is our current subscription roster:

New York Times (just Saturday and Sunday during the school year but the magazine takes me all week to read and my god, the Acrostic! The Acrostic!)
The New Yorker
Harpers
Sun magazine
Newsweek (this one is Sergio's)
Tape Op (ditto)
Bust
Edited to add: And Canadian Living!!! How could I forget the magazine which my beloved beloved and very sick Grandma has been subscribing to for me for over 10 years now? I love Canadian Living!

I would/might add a few more, just to try and keep some of my favourites alive, and yeah, my kitchen table doth overflow with reading goodness. So much so that it is admittedly hard to keep up with it all. But I am never, ever without good reading material when running for the bus, catching a flight or heading on vacation. The kind you can leave behind all salt-stained and water-logged. Or put their cover on your wall. (Like this one, which is on my daughter's wall.)
PS- In case, like me, you want to make a mildly humorous pie chart, I simply Googled "instant pie chart" and voila! the first link "Instant Pie Charts" did exactly what I wanted it to do, for free. You can just drag the resulting pie chart to your desktop where it saves as a .png file. Don't say I'm no information professional!)

Bad start

This is supposed to be the Month! of Creativity! and I feel about as creative as a wet sock full of moldy oatmeal. I may be having a genuine mid-life crisis. Or a full-body reaction to endless grey skies and work. Check back with me on that.
In the meantime, I cannot stop listening to this song loud in the car. Not only is it catchy but it feels fucking fantastic to shout the opening lines over and over. Like I've been wronged, when I don't think I have. Check back with me on that too:

Illustrati

I look at children's books all day, every day, both French and English (very different sensibility, the French, silly and dark and frank) One of my favourites has always always been Ezra Jack Keats with his torn paper collages and colors:

Photo of Whistle for Willie by EJK by Letslookupandsmile

So when I saw the images from the new book by Phillip C. Stead, you might imagine why I went off the deep end. I mean look at this:
The image is from the interview at Seven Impossible Things Before Breakfast and if you want to be inspired and rip up paper and paint things or you just care about process and beautiful results no matter the medium, you have to read the post. And if you want to be doubly inspired, read the post by his wife, Erin about her beautiful picture book A Sick Day for Amos McGee. Sigh.

And then I'm reading kids book reviews in the NYT and I see this Ralph Lauren project "the worlds first shoppable storybook adventure" and I kinda want to shoot myself. Because guess which kind of book I'll be seeing more of in the future...

Sometimes it feels like all the things I love are on the edge of extinction.

Old

This weekend I was at an (amazing) little concert of Congolese music for parents and kids and it struck me as I shimmied shamelessly - not for the first time - that I have entered my World Music Years. You know, when Folk Festivals and African music showcases seem like a slightly better idea than indie rock late night boozy concerts. This means you are likely a) a parent and/or b) old. Guilty on both counts! Whatever, it was exactly what I needed.

Other recreational sign of being old: gardening. I have tried here and there to plant living things and have them remain living - without much success. But our new (rental) house has raised beds! And already living things like rosemary and daffodils and chives and hyacinths. And lovely soil. So now I am officially Gardening. With the help of a judicious garden tool purchase on Craigslist, I am pruning, digging, weeding, and plotting. I sent off my seed order to Territorial seeds today and am crazy excited for them to arrive. My favourite purchase of the week is gardening gloves. To date I have not actually grown anything, but my god, I'm trying.
Things that were already here but are growing, so at least I haven't killed them.

Windowsill with tulips, pussywillows and hyacinth.

I'm also trying to knit a banana but that's another story.

One of the Best

I'm not a year end in review type - though I do love reading others - but today was such a perfect capper to this year that I had to share via a variety of social media. We all had the day off. My two weeks of vacation are almost up. It was sunny and so clear and cold. We drove up to Anacortes where we haven't been since 6.5 years when we were married there, on a similarly sunny and clear day, though of course much warmer. Department of Safety closed in 2010 (RIP) and through their windows there was no trace of the burgandy velvet curtains, hanging Polaroid cameras or wall of 7"'s that surrounded us on that day. No matter, we showed our (indifferent) kid and headed to the tip, Washington Park, which features one of the most stunning hikes and views and bluffs and tide pools and stone beaches and pines and moss and our kid was so happy and we were too:
We went to lunch at Adrift who catered our wedding, in a fashion (we gave them $300 and asked for as many snacks as possible) and the waitress was warm and hugged our kid more than once, the tabletops are copper, books line the shelves and the food was fantastic and we ate long, lazy and indulgently (dessert! coffee!). At home now, cozy with husband on the search for the ideal chow mein and the best beer, I know I am LUCKY. (For sense of luck, please see 127 Hours with James Franco which I enjoyed immeasurably and intensely). 2010 involved finishing school, trips with family, the best internship a girl could ever have, a summer in DC, moving back to Seattle and starting a whole new life. I hope this year is calmer but considerably MORE. Enriched, enriching, less skin of the teeth and more purposeful and planned and creative and involved. Cheers to the journey!

Things I Like

In the spirit of this consumptive season (not the TB sanitarium kind, the buy-a-lot-of-stuff kind - and as a tangent, there is a packaged food maker in NZ called Sanitarium and every time I would pick up some Skippy Cornflakes all I could think of was bloody handkerchiefs when I'm pretty sure they were hoping I would be reminded of Skippy the Bush Kangaroo, maker of the most insipid addictive theme song ever) but anyway 'tis indeed the season of liking stuff. Isn't that what the Baby Jesus done got born for? So I like:

Podcasts for Running
You know, I've tried the Couch Potato to 5K regime before, fooling with printouts and digital watches and even buying a stopwatch - when duh, the perfect solution was in my iTunes for free all along. He tells you when to run. He tells you when to slow down. He plays annoying but somehow motivating techno music that you would never own. This is only my second week but at this point I look forward to the dark and the cold and my Nike hoody which somehow makes me feel like some kind of runner and the views of the lake and the Christmas light but I would honestly not get out of bed at 5:30 without the promise of this podcast. We'll see if it lasts.

I went to the Urban Craft Uprising which was full of other people of my demographic, which always wigs me out. If the building had blown up, where would all the knit armwarmers come from? But I did see a few things I completely coveted and that are somewhat poorly represented online. Reminder: real life sometimes trumps Etsy.

I don't wear a lot of jewelry because on me it looks wrong wrong wrong but I was mesmerized by the necklaces and earrings of Material and Movement. She makes them from old porcelain teacups and in person I could NOT stop staring. And coming back. And cursing the fact that I look awful in necklaces. And that she doesn't have an Etsy shop full of them that I can show you and buy.

Similarily, I thought and thought and thought about the Hasenpfeffer Dolls for Simone. But could not bring myself to pony up $100 and then live in fear that she would "wreck" a toy. Hands down these are the most solid, sweetest, loveliest dolls I've ever seen in person. Individually knit sweaters by a Finnish grandmother! So amazing.

There are plenty of silk-screeners out there but the Slide-Sideways booth made me pause and stay for a good long while and appreciate their gentle, interesting aesthetic. I would like the ice cream print please.

Although they are not reinventing the wheel or anything I very much wanted the kelly green bag by Snap design - just so simple and practical which is so goddamned hard to find.

I also spent a long time going through the bags of mugwhump, particularly the line she made from a Betty Crocker kids cookbook of the 60's - squee! They aren't on her site, but I assure you, people were snapping em up.

Lest you think I just like buying stuff, I also went to see the documentary Kings of Pastry and enjoyed the hell out of it. It gave me a little more of a insight into the French brains I work with and why they are so detail-oriented and pretty goddamned serious., Plus, there was lots of food. And drama. And this really lovely male respect and showing of emotions that American males would do well to study. Recommend! Also, I love the NW Film Forum for being in my neighborhood and playing excellent films.

In other news, I am failing Christmas. We only bothered with our silver tree, I'm not sure we have a stocking for Simone, and our advent is woeful. Woeful. Tied to this is how I can ONLY think and talk about work these days. It is so annoying. I swore I would never be the type of person who thinks about work all the time, but here I am, through necessity, doing just that. Even running my mind is on lesson plans. If I stay at this job, I may just morph from faintly dull to outright boring. Or have I already done that?

Back in the Thrift Saddle Again

There are many many reasons that I'm pleased to be back in the PNW, but one I am surprised to discover is the thrift shopping. I thought my corner of the south would be full of un-emptied closets and mid-century attics and petticoat dresses - but I never really found that North Carolina Nirvana. In contrast, I offer you the busy branch of a chain of second-hand stores in my hipster neighborhood in Seattle - which you would think would spell Thrift Disaster. Instead I keep trying to find excuses to swing by. Finds so far include bright orange rain boots, a ton of amazing kid shoes and clothes, kitchen chairs, blankets, pillows and this awesome knitting book, Wild Knitting:





This is the Forget Me Not knitted bikini. Indeed, memorable.


This is the Winged Traveler - dreamy.


Knitted lingerie.


A vegan armadillo wrap.


I wish I had my scanner unpacked so I could show you pictures of the knit cigarette case, the striped clown jumpers, ties shaped like cacti and pen nibs, and pill box hats.

Glow in the Dark Placeholder

Oh lord, there was graduation and vacations and new projects and the winding down of others and I'm really excited to show/blab/work on all of these here in these pages. But in the meantime, here is a picture of one of my latest purchases. I was at Ross when these Converse marked down to $14.99 called my name. What's that you say? They don't look that interesting? Sure, they're clear vinyl but how exciting is that?

Ah, but turn out the lights and behold. That's right, they Glow in the Dark. And it's not weak either - these babies GLOW. I am thinking of making this my city cycling shoe so nighttime biking is a more visible affair.For the record, I could tell the sales assistant thought I was crazy for buying these.
More soon!

Birth

Do you want to hear the worst birth story I think I can imagine? No, it could definitely be worse, but how about most inconvenient? Our Lord and Lady of the Land, the takers of rent, are moving from Durham to New Orleans, as his job requires him to be there for the forseeable future. They have a 2.5 year old and she was 7.5 months pregnant when they hit the road. Pulling out of a gas station in tiny town, Georgia - her water broke. And the baby started coming really quickly. So with all their things in the car and a cranky toddler, they tried to find the nearest hospital. It was a little country hospital who freaked when they showed up, for this baby was 6 weeks early, and they did not have the facilities for a preemie. But it was too late, for the preemie was born. All are fairly healthy (thus is cannot be the worst birth story ever) and stuck in Small Town, GA without family and friends until the preemie can move. Which is a few weeks. And he has to go to work in NO, so she is there with toddler and preemie and a car full of stuff. Which she will drive down alone when said preemie is cleared for take-off. She mentioned all this casually when calling to tell us to hang on to our rent cheque for a few days as she doesn't know where she will be to receive it. if it was me, I'd be calling the media and feeling dang sorry for myself, or possibly blogging about it.

Babies are in the air! Or out of the womb. In the past 2 weeks, lovely people have had an Arlo, 2 have had girls named Lola (get ready for the Kinks song (not even one of their best) to be your personal life theme song, girls, the way "Brown Eyed Girl" is mine simply because I possess the most common eye color in the world) and even a Soren made an appearance. Thank god school is winding down or packages would be later still, as they waited for my knitting needles to get busy. I am genuinely joyful for these new parents. But tonight, as I dragged - literally dragged - my kicking, screaming toddler down the street as her father grimly toted her baby doll stroller beside her, after which she had a 30 minute melt-down where she screamed so much she almost threw up, all because we had the audacity to ask that toddler to turn around and head towards home - I was slightly gleeful that some more people are joining us on this side of the island. Welcome! The first 18 months are pretty fun!

In other birthing news, today my new MacBook made it's way into my world, all little and wee and silver and doing exactly what I ask of it, unlike my flesh and blood child, and as a result we are very happy together. I would like to add some festive pictures here but due to my now soul-deep hatred for the picture adding function of Blogger and resulting ALWAYS wonky layout - I just can't bring myself to do it. I see a brand-new WordPress baby on the horizon...

Reference Librarian

So I started typing the question "Is it true that when you're over 35 you start to like "world music more" in Google this morning. I was seeking qualitative evidence that my sudden interest in Panamanian and Latin American music in general is a function of my age and that soon I would be a Folk Fest regular in tunics and clogs and that it was Okay, it didn't have to mean I was on the slow slide to Gypsy Kings-ville.

When I typed in "is it..." an interesting list of possibilities popped up (see Fig. 1) and it struck me I was seeing a little snapshot of the collective mind of America. Note the recurrence of incest questions (x2) and some basic worries about reproductive functioning in general. America, don't let Google answer these questions. Let's pay for some high quality sex ed in this country! (Actually that would be a pretty great ad campaign for Planned Parenthood - some poor kid typing in sex advice on Google),

As a Canadian, I'm slightly concerned about "why can't I own a Canadian" (see Fig. 2) being such a prominent entry. Are you coveting my mosaic-like, Socialist outlook? Move on, American, move on. We never legalized slavery and we're not starting now.

Interestingly, pregnancy tops the list in the How category as well (see Fig. 5, sigh) but technical concerns are also well addressed here, garnering 6 out of the 10 results. I'm personally most intrigued by "how do you make snow cream" and plan to Google it myself one day. Mmm, snow cream.

What (see Fig. 3) covers some deeper territory, with Googlers pondering relationships in "What it love", and identity in"What does my name mean" but I'm still pondering "Is it"'s question about whether it is bad to sleep with your bra on. Every time I've had to do it, I have felt slightly naughty - hmm, some preliminary Googling of my own reveals there is a large contingent of women out there who actually sleep in their bra. Wow, um, I seriously cannot think of something I would rather do less. But perhaps they own more than one saggy old number from Victorias Secret, where the bra strap keeps detaching and humiliatingly snaking out of my shirt sleeve.
As a soon-to-be-Real-live Librarian, I hope to never have to answer why your poop is green, so thank you Google, you have made the world safe for the secret inquiry. Except when people like me post pictures on their blog. Whoops.

Just in case you think I only use the screen snapshot function (Apple_Shift_4, you Mac users, I STILL have to Google that every time) for mockery purposes, allow me to share the original screen snapshot I was taking that started this whole train of thought. If you can't see this image without adjusting your glasses, it is the playlist from this mornings WXYC's show which was chock full of awesome Latin music and made me want to buy all this crazy stuff and then I realized how much I like "World Music" (see: Western definition of all non-Western music as one big pot o' music called World Music) and wondered if it meant I was getting old or I just like calypso beats and thus began the Googling and here we are. Any questions?

Oscar The Grouch

*I wrote this during the Red Carpet (and didn't publish it because I was going to add pictures and then my rational brain said "Big giant stupid paper due any day now, no time for Googling Flickr Commons, fool!") - play along and see how I did with predicting!*

Sneaking a moment from my Masters Paper (first draft due next week, final draft due in 3...) to weigh in (to myself) on movies as the Oscars play soundlessly in the background because I cannot STAND the questions people are asked but I still want to see the pretty, pretty dresses. The Oscar-sanctioned year in movies:

1. I never want to see Avatar. I mean that, never. Not out of some churlish snobbish disdain, I just don't have one atom in my body that is even mildly curious to see it. Once I saw the Cat-Elf Creatures, learned of Unobtanium and heard the soaring overly ripe score of the movie - no. Just no.

Ben Stiller's make-up made me laugh

2. I really do wish Bigelow would trump Cameron (he's such blowhardy tool, right? I mean, can't you just tell. Or maybe it's just his 5 ex-wives that gives me a clue) but not because I thought The Hurt Locker was so great. Jeremy Renner seems like a good egg but the movies was eh for me. What especially amuses me is the way people keep hoping Bigelow will "finally be recognized for her work". Ah yes, that lost classic "Point Break" about surf-board riding criminals! She was sorely overlooked for that one. Kermode (of BBC movie podcast of fame) made this rage-inducing comment about how he would like Bigelow to win the first female director Oscar because her movie is so "muscular and tough", rather than that whiny Jane Campion who could have won for The Piano. Dear Sir: I agree with your opinions often, but Bright Star kicked Hurt Lockers buttocks very very hard. And looked smashing doing it. And is it so wrong to care about feelings, anyway? No.

Well hey, she won! Did they have to seat them right next to each other? Was that for good television?

3. Speaking of Bright Star, if it doesn't win Best Costumes, I shall be sore disappointed. They were fantastic. Watch and see if you don't want to wear a hat immediately.

I was sore disappointed. Those damn royal historical pictures always win...

4. I see The White Ribbon is up for Best Foreign Film and I do have a strong love for Haneke but when I think of this movie, all I can remember is the ultra-quiet theatre and the man who shushed me - shushed me! - for my crinkly Smartfood bag. In retrospect, perhaps cheese popcorn was the wrong choice for a silent, black and white film about the gathering storm in Europe but sir, if you want a soundproof room, wait for the DVD and your home entertainment unit.

5. Is it just me or does the premise for the movie The Blind Side seem impossibly, hopelessly racist and demeaning? Oh those po' black folks, just waiting to be rescued by a good Christian woman. I wonder if Sandra Bullock, a nice lefty if there ever was one, is kind of in despair that she has been universally loved for playing the kind of person she would hate in real life?

You know, Bullock looked good and her speech was the best of the night - but STILL - that movie! Grrr.

6. Barbara Walters seriously just this minute asked Mo'nique about her hairy legs and then asked if her husband minds them. Babs, go ask James Camerons wife #5 if she minds being one in a long line or any man with a hairy back if his wife minds, okay? I haven't seen Precious but go on Monique with your bad self and win, because you are awesome for not giving a flying leap for what the (impossible) standards are.

Did you see the clip of Precious they used for Best Adapted Screenplay? I was practically standing up and screaming at the TV - seriously, the BEST clip you could chose for the Oscars was a large black woman STEALING A BUCKET OF FRIED CHICKEN? That was the defining scene of the movie??? It felt like a bad joke. A Hitler joke or something.

7. Only seen 2/5 of the Doc nominees, shame. The others are in my Netflix queue and I look forward to Which Way Home. The Cove was so over the top, it was ridiculous. I myself would have added The September Issue and Every Little Step. Perhaps they're more frivilous but I really enjoyed them.

Shocker, the maker of The Cove was inappropriately "crazy activist style" while accepting the award. I guess I don't like their premise that somehow the killing of whales and dolphins is sad and must be stopped by bullshit covert operations but fish, eh, who cares so much? Much the same way people weep tears over dogs being eaten in China while munching on a burger or Teabaggers protest "socialized medicine" while their parents subsist on Medicare - it's the hypocrisy that bothers me.

7. Movies on the list that I haven't seen yet but would like to: An Education, A Single Man and Up in the Air. And one that isn't on the list but I'm desperate to see it: Fish Tank.
And if Jeff Bridges doesn't win for Crazy Heart, I will break a little because he was perfect, perfect, pickled liver and all. Do you know who else was perfect in that movie? Colin Farrel. I hate CF but his character added such a note of sweetness and unexpected grace in the movie that it elevated the whole thing.

Hey, his speech was a hot mess, but I do think he deserved it. Hurrah for Hollywood....sort of.

Bookmark

Holding my place, as I battle the End of Library School demons and make up for my fantastic Vancouver vacation where I did everything on my Dream Vancouver Visit list and more...except homework. Which I am now paying for. Hold me.

In the interim, every time I walk through the library, I have to stop myself from scooping up a Kik Step and running for the hills. They have so many! I want a souvenir! I am seriously, seriously thinking about purchasing myself one for a Graduation gift.








The only question is: Do I choose Celery?


Or Tangerine?

Cringe-tastic

Does this ever happen to you? You're sailing along in your day and suddenly - CRINGE - you remember something you should have done/did/never got around to and it's embarrassing and horrible and the more time goes on, the harder it is to make it up? I do, seemingly daily. It's this huge mantle of shame and guilt and I'm getting pretty tired of lugging it around. I'm ready for some atonement, without the Intervention and rehab. So part of my 2010 plan is The Cringe List. I made one, squirming all the while. I'm not feeling free and easy enough to add the actual items to the Interwebs but I will keep a running tally of Cringe Items Completed. 

Today, my CIC is 2. 

I feel better already.

Dream Projects

I'm on the threshold of graduating and the fear is rising - fear of losing access to great libraries, resources, databases, a purpose in life....fear of never finding a job or becoming a failure. But at the same time, something else is rising...project ideas. I'm  allowing myself to think about a time when I won't be doing homework every night, when in fact I may be crying in my coffee over being unemployed, but when I'll be less busy too. I'm making this fantasy list to remind myself and to prod myself and to make a record of where my imaginative life is at right now:

1. YA Book of Interminable Foreverness

It has a title even, but I don't want to jinx it. You guys, I feel 1000x closer to actually finishing this than I ever have before. A million false starts and I finally hit my groove and it's moving along and I had a dreamy little session at a coffeeshop on Saturday while AH took Simone to a birthday party and I felt so good, but also so bad - because it's about heartbreak and throwing myself back into that mindset where you can't sleep and life is worthless and it will never be good again and listening to Smog songs non-stop....but I really, really feel like it will be done before the end of the year, which sounds modest and small-goal but I mean it. 

2. Duham: The Movie

The possibility that we may leave this little town and the South for good is rearing up and while I'm excited, I've got that feeling too that I will never live somewhere near as complex and unique either. Or we'll end up living here forever and I'll bitterly resent it. One or the other. I have inherited 10 400 ft. rolls of 16 mm film and I have decided how I want to make movies now is to "crowdsource" the shooting - I am no cinematographer, and I want others to shoot for me, hand out the film and say "Go!" - and then collect and develop he results and edit it together with a collage soundtrack taken from the Southern Oral History Project and my own experiences (and others) walking around with binaural mics in their ears.  Editing is where it is at. I could edit my whole life away. 

3. Playground: The Movie

I have to spend a lot of time at playgrounds and actually - I hate them. As a parent that is, because in NA it feels like playgrounds are tucked away and ghetto-ized and god, dull. There is never a coffee stall or anything interesting around - just lots of nervous parents who dare not let their child play alone. I loved them when I was kid but strangely, I rarely remember my parents being present. It was about being alone and wild and falling through eagles perches and sitting up in rocket ship climbing structure - and the rocket ship got me thinking about design of playgrounds and then I saw a few amazing photos of 70's era playgrounds and guess what, no one has really made a definitive work tracing the design of playgrounds and wouldn't it be cool to see what 1950's era playgrounds vs. todays are like or NYC vs Rio? This is another I would crowd-source for filming. I couldn't hope to go all the cool places but I would like to try....this is such a pipedream project but it fills my head with happy little images and sounds. 

4. Teen Court: the audio doc

So every Tuesday here in town, teens who are up for misdemeanors face a jury - and a judge, and a lawyer - of their peers. Teens are trained to argue and judge cases and help their peers escape conventional sentencing. I think the possibilities for good audio and stories are strong strong strong - but I have to get over my fear of recording other people and being noticed. And asking permission. And being snoopy. 

5. Fundraising video for the school I volunteer at:

I was listening to a live performance of K'Naan's "Waving Flag" today and I am such a sucker for this song for some reason and suddenly I could see all the shots of my kids and the library and the classrooms and the awesome teachers and the good food and everything that makes the school so special and I knew I could make the best video of all time to wring tears and dollars out of peoples eyes. To be clear, I would use the chorus only, the verses are good but my kids don't live in a warzone, exactly. 

I have a million more (pipe)dreams, but these are the ones haunting me right now - would that I got 1/10th of what I dream of done. Secretly, I'm hoping this librarian business is my day job and I get to do a whole lot more than worry about cataloging schemes. Now that I got all of that out of my system, I guess I better do my homework...

Peevish

Before I return to my regular undisturbed much more anonymous and non-media rich blogging corner of the world (so as not to dilute this site from being what I intended, projects and food and nice looking things and such) I'll submit 5 things that bothered me or made me nervous in the last 5 minutes:

1. The Hardee's ad where (I have commercials on mute always so I'm gathering there is audio but I don't know it) a dude eats a big old burger and smirks while they clean "Cheater" off his car. Wha?

2. The movie trailer for "Leap Year" which although I like Amy Adams, also makes me go wha? Because in 2010 it's so flipping radical for a woman to PROPOSE? Or make a life decision together, you know, like you'll be doing for the rest of your life? As one who did the proposing, you know AFTER we had discussed the idea, this premise is completely insulting. Please don't get me started about hating the whole proposal deal in the first place, most especially the Bended Knee or when women pick the ring out and the just wait for the man to choose the moment to "surprise" them. You may not feel the same way and if so, I salute you, because then you won't be as infuriated quite as often.

3. My landlord just stopped by. To pick up the rent. On the 11th. After we had to e-mail her last week to ask when she would be by and she said Saturday. She never came all weekend and then dropped by without notice tonight as I was on the phone with my sister and I said "oh the rents on the mailbox, excuse me, I'm on the phone" and she kept talking and acting annoyed. She will not provide us with a mailbox to mail the damn thing to her, I think because she doesn't want us to know where she live. As HUD is my witness, I shall never rent from an individual again, ever. It is all property management companies from here on in. You'd have to be crazy to be a landlord - and 90% of them are.

4. I have to go bowl tonight in the league which I usually miss because of homework and babytime but tonight the pressure is on me to win one for the team and I'm petrified. I love to bowl but just realised I totally don't want to bowl in active competition where you let people other than yourself down. Yipes. 

5. I also have to drive to the airport tonight - on a highway in the dark, which is something I truly did not think I would be doing. But it's for all the right reasons - AH and Simone come home tonight! I can't wait to squeeze that kid - but about 5 minutes after that touching reunion, I'm sure there will be some serious parenting to do and I will think longingly about the last 4 days. I'm not going to lie, it was awesome. 

Okay back to my regular anono-corner of the internet. 

All the Single Ladies

There will be no pictures in this post, because the camera is with AH and Simone in Albuquerque. Where I am not. That's right, I'm alone. Footloose and fancy free. It's Friday night. And I'm knitting, watching Supernanny (secret love, although why is every house that SN visits seems to be eerily off in the middle of nowhere with no neighbors and the same decorator who likes taupe walls and black leather couches?) and contemplating a bowl of popcorn and gingerale. Party! Actually, it's just the way I want it.

I really had to force myself to make plans this weekend - beers and thrift stores with friend mostly and it's been great heading out after work these last few nights. But secretly, there is nothing - NOTHING - like the feeling I had last night with the freshly made bed all to myself and the sweet, sure comfort of knowing that I could get up whenever I wanted to get up. Which was 8 am, and then I went back to bed and read some more. And worked out. I will tell you right now that working out and infrequent meals are totally easier on the Single Lady Plan. 

I've also been driving a lot which sounds bad - but I never do the driving. I take the bus to school and work so it was sneakily luxurious in this cold snap to do the activity I fear most - driving. I actually drove them to the airport, which I have never done for anyone. I felt like a real grown-up. Little things I cede to AH all the time - driving, getting gas, dealing with our landlady, errands at night - doing them it made me feel a little more competent. I sobbed all the way out of the airport, which I didn't expect, though I knew I'd miss her. And I do, terribly. But I am SO enjoying these moments of quiet and selfishness before my last semester starts next week and the whole machine starts up again. 

God, I hope there's some good True Crime sensationalized story on TV next. 

Resolved

Every day is a guilt trip and  a resolve to be a better person, so I hardly need a new year to usher in the same old feelings. Nonetheless, on NYE, on the porch at 5 to midnight, I burned a slip of paper with what I wanted to be rid of from the old year and what I wished for the new one. I'm not divulging secrets if I tell you my A#1 problem/challenge/struggle in life is FOLLOW THROUGH and COMMUNICATION. So yeah, duly noted, I'm working on it - again. Though I also note the irony of trying to Follow Through on my lack of Follow Through. Good luck!

Actually, my #1 Goal for 2010 is to get my first real professional job. In a threadbare industry during a recession. Tune in and see if we make it...I did just apply for a job I think I could actually do, as well as a summer internship. So, wheels are turning. 

Some Summary, Some Looking Forward

I moved house, again. I will likely do that again this year. Sigh.

I went to Edmonton, Canada, Spain, Austin, Boston, Maine, and Western NC - which is not enough. I want more travel! I will for sure go to Vancouver, BC in February which I am very excited about. 

My child learned to walk. She likes to run away from me in parking lots.

My child learned to talk. Her favourite phrase is "Stop, Mommy" whenever I try to talk, wash her face, eat, drink, kiss her, discipline her or cuddle. 

My Ten Favourite Books of the Year, according to my GoodReads rating system:

When You Reach Me by Rebecca Stead

Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout

Bad Mother by Ayelet Waldman

Beginners Greek by James Collin

Important Artifacts... by Leanne Shapton

Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins 

Elsewhere by Gabrielle Zevin

A Homemade Life by Molly Wizenberg

The Moomin Collected comics by Tove Jansson 

February by Lisa Moore

Also according to GR, I read 127 books last year. Not bad, but if I included horribly painful library articles, it would be a metric ton more. 

5 movies I liked most watching according to Netflix:

Thirtysomething, the First Season (It was everything and more I was hoping for when I heard it was being re-released - unfairly panned as "smug and Yuppie angst" I think the writing is Right On and the issues being raised - by the same people who did My So Called Life I might add - are exactly right for, duh, my 30-something years. The only mystery is why I loved it in my Teens...)

Dear Zachary (heart-searing documentary)

Wendy and Lucy (love her style and Michelle Williams in this movie)

A Lion in the House (more heart-searing docs, in a children's cancer ward)

The Farmer's Wife (guess what - a documentary series! from a million years ago, but I enjoyed the re-watch)

Can I add the Patti Smith doc that was on POV the other other night? Really lovely.

Things I'm proud of, off the top of my head: 

Trying to create wonder and ritual in my kids life, but not the image of Perfection

A clean kitchen, most days

Keeping my jobs

Volunteering at the school library, even when it feels like I have no free time

Things I struggle with and mostly win:

The ethical dilemma of animal products in my diet, but when out to dinner, I occasionally indulge in a meat-based dish. I am the Poster Child of Flexitarian-ism. 

Things I struggle with and mostly lose:

Thinking about getting up an hour early to exercise but though I am an early-riser, 5 am is still too hard.

Indulgences:

Coffee. Beer. Cheese. Chocolate. I'm actually pretty good about most things vice-like.

Pet Peeves:

That talk women do at work potlucks when they justify out loud, such as "I couldn't have anymore, I'm just too full" (after eating a sliver) or "I'll have to work out for an extra hour this week" or ANY kind of talk where they justify/excuse/mention how fat they are and how terrible they are for eating. HATE THIS.

Driving and how nobody obeys any laws or posted speed limits. 

If you've read this far, I'm going to add another Resolution and a story that makes me look terrible but is 100% true.

Let it be resolved: that I not say anything horrible/nasty/mean or cutting about people out loud. Just let that negativity stay inside. Here's the story:

One of my uber-bosses at work lives near me and we've struck up a fair friendship on the bus and walks to work. She's hard to get to know so I felt good about this. Then one day we were walking Simone on the bike/walk path near our house and I have a complete complex about Right of Way on the sidewalk in general. In the distance I could see a jogger with a stroller, coming on the wrong side of the path.  I muttered loudly and darkly about who was this asshole who though they owned the whole path, blah blah blah and as she passed - OH HI BOSS-WOMAN! I didn't know it was you. I wasn't sure she heard - but her subsequent complete and total iciness GUARANTEES it. She shuts me down totally, months later. Yipes.

So yeah: Keep My Big Fat Mouth Shut. 

Starting now.